Gyroetsu Nageloopis a videogame published by Nintendo in Japan for the 3DS eShop. It plays like easily a comprehended puzzle game (specifically, likeMagnetica) but it’s storyline is… well, I’m not really sure what it is. The only thing I’m sure of is thatI love it.

Here are eight minutes of the game’s cut scenes. I can’t tell if they’re being played in the right order, or if this is the game’s story in its entirety. It almost doesn’t matter, as there is no possible context in which I could understand what any of this means. This is the kind of stuff that was fairly commonplace in the classic days of FMV, back when the mere fact that a game featuresreal actorswas enough to make it cool.

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Don’t think this game would sell in the U.S. today? Then you haven’t been listening toMicheal PachterandAlex Hutchinson. According to these guys, all Nintendo needs to do is putGyoretsu Nageloopin a cardboard box that says “Nintendo” on it, and fanboy-ism and gaming journalism’s racismtowardsJapanese narratives will guarantee that it’ll sell likehotcakes. Hotcakes painted in syrup that depicts the facesOne Direction!

They might as well localizeCaptain Rainbow,Fatal Frame IV,Mother 3,Chibi Robo 3,Ripening Tingle’s Balloon Trip of Love, and countless other Nintendo games that never made it to States while they’re at it. If Pachter and Hutchinson’s are right, then all of those games would be huge hits in the U.S and Europe. And why weren’tRhythm Heaven Fever,Drill Dozer,Disaster: Day of Crisis,Hotel Dusk,Trace Memory,Earthbound,Chibi Robo(1 and 2), andTingle’s Freshly Picked Rosy Rupeelandsuccessful? They all had weird Japanese storylines, and they all had “Nintendo” written on their boxes, so they all should have sold like crazy, right?

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You’d almost think that Pachter and Hutchison were…

Dare I say it?

3DS and Wii U credit

whispersGoofballswhisters.

The truth is, I’d love it if these guys were right. I’d love it if every weird, unmarketable Nintendo game sold well, and if Japanese games with surreal narratives were well accepted in the West. If that were the case, I’d never have to import a Nintendo game ever again, and the kinds of games I enjoy would be a much more powerful force in the industry. Sadly, I live in reality, where a lot of Nintendo most interesting games never leave Japan due to the fact that they aren’t likely to sell, and almost all of America’s favorite games come off like weak imitations of Hollywood movies.

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